Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
