have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
