i wish my penis had a tongue
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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