Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
