I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
