new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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