It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
