Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
