Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
