Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
