I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
