oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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