So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
