Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
