haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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