so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
