my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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