She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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