Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
