I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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