Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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