my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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