Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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