she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
