I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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