we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
