I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's blow job season.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
