Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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