Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
