So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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