Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mom said you looked used
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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