living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
