this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
