I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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