fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize