do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
