i just wanna soil my oats bro
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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