I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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