i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
