can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
