Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
