FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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