just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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