No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
