I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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