Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
