tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
