I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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