..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Panties = found
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