I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
