uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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