'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
