She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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