Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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