How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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