Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
