My first STD was from a foam party
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
