Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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