Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
