He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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