3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
