I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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