Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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